suddenly

it rips at your soul
this gnawing, festering, smelling,
thoughts while I was daydreaming
need to have the world

want to make a painting
with actual feeling
and know the answer beyond the door
but fear the outcome and more

words words all the time, get me through the day
something good happens twice, but then
the world dissolved away
and I was here again with the same thinking

want to be the best, make the painting
with time to rest, no waiting
happiness, where does it drift
somewhere after the work shift

has it been so simple
that I was, I was
with the wrong shadow,
too long in the same pot with no grow

don’t let me out of a distraction
i spend too much time in reflection
of all the times I could have had
but maybe they’d make me sad

suddenly i lost the thing that was chewing at me.