Past time Cutie


I always think back to that time
It was deadly, but it was a paradise
Lethal with your deep cough, jet black crew cut
Didn’t it seem like years ago, it was, lost jackets

Been something in my hair, roses
You took a hit of my cigarette outside the pizza parlor
At the eagles bar, you said you saw me
Telling my story at a table, asked if I had credible memories

Looking until I find that missing cutaway,
Torn piece of forgotten vintage word play, muscle man on the overpass
That fragile moment of I am here, seconds, wallpaper shreds
I’m looking to wake one day with a smile from a dream

My socks are soaked, you said I was cute
Lost in the phrase, flashes, eyes turned down, thunder clap
Kept that in my head, your words, felt that hard
Against my chest, wanted it longer than you knew

Seventeen passed, used a different username
Kept tracing back to that time where I played, rolled
Where the beat of the sound carried me, the fear of life excited me
Where I didn’t know the possibilities of you

Youth; trees fall from weak roots on mountains
Tiny arms, deer died under my window seal, laughing
Forest watcher, cotton dreamer, conjured an image of ideal body types
Loose tank top, summer heat, I was ready to vanish
Rocks in the bottom of my shoes, smoked secretly
On an empty path in the woods, smoke from my lips
Spoke out loud, asked for that mountain to come down
Drifted into blue skies with cotton clouds, thinking I was Dorothy

There would be a time, sometime later, in a distant elevator
Where I would remember those oversized denims, small town fumbles
And a doom cliff somewhere deep in the Pacific Northwest
To only want that simple structure again, where you were just a distant dream



Letters, delicate, a lifetime with the same text
Drafting faulty responses to your master plans, minding myself
Heavy, ripped, thunderous brass plated arms, with claws
I was always the riding beauty, you were the scarred brute

Growling, one time you told me to keep it, keep what, keep me
Keep me away from the sweetest part of your heart,
With strong urges to devour it , I saw you resist, strained, ravenous
You hissed that the dripping taste of my memories made you leak

Something drastic happened after that , grizzled stubble , taste palette substitute
Time apart, new atmosphere, different days on those windy docks
What I had wrote, occured,tender aches in exposed wounds were more than just words
Hold it, hold me, hold it for just a few seconds longer, that drifting ash smoke

In the city streets there was just your old shoes and Styrofoam pushed by the wind
Inhaled a strangers plume of cigarette smoke only to remember the grime left behind
That you were there in the darkness, with treasures and thoughts on me
Your fingers often graced my willowy structures, fingertips to hips, holding me in place

Even when you coughed you sounded like a man, monster crush
Gave you my X and O’s, signing off with that nickname you chose
Waited idlily, summer afternoons passed, just for your response
Wondered why I frequently rested in a garden with your thoughts

In my guts I felt you, in my heart I wanted you, demon king
Why could you never grasp the terror in my largest muscle
Under your big arms, where we watched mountain clouds in the distance
The cliffs seemed doomed, and you told me to just rest into an endless dream

Ocean City Lights


Gon’ miss those city lights, early AM breakfast
But I want that ocean breathe, that misty splash
Sand falling into pockets, damaged heels
That whisper among strangers, a street cleared from rain.

I walk with all those distant thoughts, see me in that corner
Watching me with despair, lavish adoration, curly hair
It is that fall time again, where the waves wait back
Breakthrough, waiting for me, waiting for you.

Turnaround, he had Victorian flavor, mustache
What time portal did you come from, baby
Mechanical oiled hands, slippery, dial eyes, swirl hair cut
They don’t make them like you anymore.

Wondering if we choose the lives we let play out
I say with a slobber that you’ve followed me through time
To tell me all the secrets of the universe, I’m lost
I’m lost without that temptation, could you, could you please

Black hatchback, you tempt my life, let us runaway
Tonight, panic cause it’s so damn fast, but you say
Melting hearts go good together, we stare in mirrors
I’ve never felt so certain in my life

Later, turmoil passed, with thick tears and power grasps
We rode late night into the wilderness, parked on the edge
You made my stomach hit the ground with each curled lip look
With that large hand on the back of my hairline, you said we made it

Stomach Sleeper

Uncategorized, Writing

At some point the pages were ripped away
Kept asking you back, for that moment to last
I spent hours on the beach, looking for answers
Finding sand dollars to explain the absence of gold

I spend too much thinking of that, the past, you undressed
But that is where you are at , one late night, seems to pass
Rough flannel shirt, and eyes turned down, recorded soundscapes
Whistles, whispers, delicate feet skin cracking from the ground

The day rustled, turned, often upside down, small breath
Moan, groan, the wind pushes against the silver larch
Spent hours watching you kick the ocean waves
Enjoyed the sand accumulation on calves, distant eyes

There wasn’t a time, even before, where we didn’t fear loss
The drought of memory collections, missing lifeforce
Dependent on protection bicep, looking out that side window
Felt the beat under my skin, hairs raising to the static of the emotion

I could do anything at this moment, to feel that rush again
Run in the lanes of terror , whiplash of secrets, sparkling lights
Always spent time waiting for you to respond, summer nightmare
Got that tapping mind storm, sensation, music man, I gave you many names

Wondered in your final discomforts if I was a fantasy to you too
That I left a mark on you, fever gnaw, bite wound, drained of love
Soft words, belly ache, trouble with ending, spend most of the day
Thinking of how I can’t live in this world without you

What were the right words to say anyway, I gave better looks
Smiled, brushed back the brown ringlets, blemished cheeks
Can’t shake that feeling of your rough hands on my skin
Stomach sleeper, arms and feet tangled, you were there every morning

Leaving without the book, leaving without your look
The rain slammed across my face in a pattern, cutting paper
Saving that sentence where you stole my heart
Erasing the ending where we part

Breath Taker

gay writing, Uncategorized

Last night; invisible chest rubs, sweltering
Stomach dropped with that eyebrow thrust, skin meditate
Invisible kiss, clothes dispersed, facial vizards
Mistaking, filthy, black colored wifebeater

Here I am again, grasping your fabric, feeling guilty,
Pushing my pockets out, twinkle, got you
Comfortable, you were rolling around, beaming
Spent hours in another world, beyond

You implied this was destiny, but you didn’t want me
This minute, this hour, to collect particles to prove
A time we both were in, but not with each other
Bookshelves empty, hungry for love, jackets on the ground

The stench of your clothes still lingers, pelting thunder
Vocation was low, but still heard audio screaming
Opposite time zones, felt terror alone, hypnosis
Wrestling singlet disguise, closed eyes, because I’m high

New nickname to go by, out by the street at midnight
Rowdy Raldy, Raldy, rigid cliffs I hung from, breath taker
Accumulate, your impact, my bad side comes out
Need to be this other person for you tonight

Champion belt over the shoulder, bruises under soft eyes
Wanted to be that man you cried to at night, garden visit
Low rise party, don’t tell nobody, that I gave you this relic
Shared more than just secrets, fluids, overused plotlines

There is nothing else like that, it was only hours ago
You still hang there, knees in the sun, porch bottom
Conversations lost, misty words and fond reminiscence
Reeking of desire, begging to see the skin under my thighs